Stand With Him

Imagine your son, grandson, nephew, brother or friend came to you and said “I need help, I am being abused by my partner”. Imagine the pain, the anger, the terror of that. 

Now imagine they can’t or won’t do anything about it because of fear, fear of their partner, fear of not being believed, fear of not being taken seriously, fear of being laughed at, fear of not knowing who to turn to or where and how to escape.

One in three victims of domestic abuse are male, yet they often don’t come forward. They don’t recognise they are a victim “because it doesn’t happen to men”, they never hear politicians mention men when it comes to domestic abuse and so many awareness campaigns barely mention them if at all.

We can do more… We can Stand with Him.

This campaign gives a voice to women who have been personally affected by men who have been victims. It is made up of mothers, sister, daughters, aunts, grandmothers, new partners, female friends and work colleagues. They know first hand the pain, anger and fear that this can cause, not just to victims but to their families too. All they ask for is that the voices of those who they love, care for and share friendships with are not silenced, marginalised or forgotten

What does this mean? 

Our campaign is based on three pillars: 

  • Listen to him and hear his story. 
  • Don’t mock, don’t minimise, don’t create a false competition between female and male victims  
  • Stand, with him, help him find help and ensure others do too 

Practically this means we are calling for: 

  1. A national campaign and strategy focussed on male victims and their children  – to encourage them to come forward and to challenge societal stereotypes.
  2. Increased investment in local services to support male victims.
  3. Dedicated specialist training on supporting and recognising male victims especially for those working for the police, local authorities, health services, housing bodies, CAFCASS and also the judiciary.
  4. Ensure all legislation and guidance (including the Statutory Guidance in the Domestic Abuse Bill) gives full and equal recognition to male victims of domestic abuse.

Campaigns so far:

  1. Letter to MP’s (Public Bill Committee – Domestic Abuse Bill)(signed by 50 women).  
  2. Statements from six women who are sisters, mothers and friends of male victims on the Domestic Abuse Bill and the Statutory Guidance of the Domestic Abuse Bill.
  3. Letter to all MP’s (Third Reading of Domestic Abuse Bill): 56 women supporting male victims of domestic abuse. 
  4. Press Release: “Over 50 women close to male victims and survivors of domestic abuse call on MP’s to make sure their voices are not ignored and marginalised.”

How can you get involved:

Please email Mark Brooks at chairman@mankind.org.uk

Sign up to our mailing list (see right)

Women who support this campaign

1.     AH, Carmarthenshire, brother (he was a victim for 17 years, which ultimately resulted in him taking his own life)

2.     Alexandra, Birmingham, step sister (my step brother was murdered)

3.     Alison, Edinburgh, friend (he was a victim for over 30 years)

4.     Ann G, Southampton, mother (my son took his own life)

5.     Anna, Southampton, sister (my brother took his own life)

6.     Anne, Somerset, sister (my brother was a victim for 18 years)

7.     Anne-Marie H, Lincolnshire, friend (my friend had nowhere to go for help)

8.     Barbara Lavelle, Wirral, mother (my son was murdered by his partner)

9.     Becky, Bristol, daughter (my father was a victim for 18 years)

10.  Brenda, Hertfordshire, mother (my son has been scarred for life because of his ex)

11.  Caroline, Birmingham, ex-partner (my ex-partner was murdered)

12.  Cath, Bolton, mother (my son was subjected to violence)

13.  Diana, Edinburgh, mother (my son has been a victim)

14.  Diana, Cheshire, ex-wife (my ex-husband suffered domestic abuse that he hid from his daughters)

15.  Debbie Livesley, Chorley, ex-partner (my ex-partner was murdered by his wife)

16.  Eileen, York, mother (my son suffered mental trauma even after the relationship ended)

17.  Elizabeth, Norwich (I have friends and a colleague who were victims)

18.  Fiona, Worcestershire, friend (my friend’s brother was murdered by his partner 2019) 

19.  Hannah, London, daughter (my father was a victim for 18 years)

20.  Hannah, Birmingham, friend (my friend’s brother was murdered by his partner 2019) 

21.  Jackie, Carmarthenshire, mother (my son was a victim)

22.  Janet, Sussex, mother

23.  JW, Cheshire, mother (my son has full parental responsibility but his ex is still causing trouble for the family)

24.  Jo, South Wales, daughter (my elderly father’s new wife physically and financially abused him)

25.  J, North West, fiancée (my partner suffered at the hands of his ex-wife)

26.  JLW, Cheshire, sister (my brother suffered for five years)

27.  Kate, Herefordshire, partner (my current suffered coercion, control and physical violence from his ex)

28.  Kathleen, Greater London (close relative of male victim)

29.  Kathryn, Hertfordshire, partner (my partner suffered for 15 years due to his ex)

30.  Katie Brown, Birmingham, brother (he was killed by his partner)

31.  Kelly, sister (my brother and a friend suffered, the latter committed suicide)

32.  KR, friend & now partner of one survivor,

33.  Jenny, Birmingham, friend (my friend’s brother was murdered by his partner 2019) 

34.  Laraine, Birmingham, mother (my daughter lost her ex partner to domestic abuse)

35.  Louise, Glasgow, sister (people laughed at my brother)

36.  Louise Cunningham, Birmingham, mother  (son was murdered by his partner 2019) –

37.  Margaret, Birmingham, ex-husband (my ex husband abused by his partner)

38.  Natalia, wife (my husband was subjected to awful abuse by previous partner)

39.  Olivia, London, friend (my friend was murdered by his girlfriend)

40.  Rosie, Worcestershire, sister

41.  Ruth, Birmingham, friend (my friend’s brother was murdered by his partner 2019) 

42.  Sara Westle, Leicestershire, mother (my son was murdered by his girlfriend)

43.  Sharon, Bromley, girlfriend (my boyfriend was in an abusive relationship for several years)

44.  SW, Essex, sister  (brother was murdered by partner)

45.  Tamsin Hutchinson, Chorley, friend (my friend was murdered by his wife)

46.  Tracey, mother (my son is going through mental abuse)

47.  Vicki, Leicester, mother

48.  V. M. A, mother

49.  Zoe, Birmingham, cousin (cousin was murdered by his partner)

50.  Anonymous mother, Wales, mother (my son took his own life)

51.  Anonymous mother, YM, Armagh, mother

52.  Anonymous, Manchester, mother

53.  Anonymous, London, mother (my son considered suicide)

54.  Anonymous, Gloucestershire, mother

55.  Anonymous, Midlands, sister (my brother was a victim and took his own life)

56.  Anonymous, Warwickshire, sister (my brother was a victim and took his own life)