What you can do

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
CALL 999
YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE

If you cannot talk, or it is not safe to do so press 55 when prompted to speak

and the call will be dispatched to the police who will try to locate you

Call the ManKind helpline for support – 01823 334244

There are a number of things you can do to help yourself and more detail on this list can be found further below.

  • Leave the relationship, if you can
  • Keep a diary and tell others
  • Keep documents, diary, phone and phone numbers to hand
  • Report incidents to a GP
  • Contact the police; ensure details are logged
  • Create a safety plan
  • Do not retaliate

Please remember all public authorities including the police, local councils, GP’s and hospitals have to support you in the same way as they would treat a female victim.

Apps: There are two Apps we are aware of that can support you to keep an online diary:

(1) Leave the relationship, if you can

  • It is important to recognise that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone. Understand what is happening to you.
  • If you are a victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence, t it is unlikely the abusive person will change their behaviour towards you.
  • Domestic violence or domestic abuse is always about asserting power and control.
  • Many men call the charity saying that they love their partner and the partner loves them, they just want to help their abuser to see what they are doing is wrong. You cannot change the abuser’s behaviour, only they can.
  • Your safety, both physically and mentally is of upmost importance so it is vital that you leave the relationship if you can.
  • If you have children and the abuser is also their parent, we realise this is more difficult, but by reporting the incidents and keeping a diary (see below), this will help if you need to leave the family home, with or without your children.

(2) Keeping a diary and telling others

It is vital tell the relevant authorities about what is happening to you and keep a diary of the incidents.

  • Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any (also see Keep key documents, diary and phone to hand).
  • Tell a friend and/or family members
  • Keep a photographic record of injuries.
  • Report each incident to your GP or hospital – make sure they take notes of your injuries
  • Report each incident to the police (including criminal damage as well as violence) and ensure you speak to the trained domestic violence police if your force has them. Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person. Take a friend with you, if possible. ENSURE YOU OBTAIN A REFERENCE NUMBER, INSIST ON IT.
  • Take advice regarding injunctions from a reliable solicitor.
  • Consider telling your employer about the problems you are facing. Employers are far more aware of the problem of domestic abuse than before.
  • Seek help from a local council housing officer, especially if children are involved.
  • You may be able to access Refuge or Safe House accommodation however it could be a significant distance away.

(3) Keep documents, diary and phone to hand

  • There may be a time when you need to leave immediately, ensure you have keys with you or have them stored elsewhere.

Diary

  • It may be safer to keep the diary outside of the home, with a friend, family member or at work
  • After each new incident ensure it is added to your diary as soon as possible
  • If you are using an online diary, make sure it is a password that your abuser cannot obtain.

Mobile Phone

  • Keep your mobile phone with you at all times and ensure it is always charged. If your abuser monitors your phone, be careful what information is stored there. When you leave, make sure that “track my phone” is turned off.

Documents

  • Keep important documents for yourself and your children, such birth certificate, marriage certificate, passport, driving licence, insurance documents etc, in a safe place – this might be at your workplace or with trusted friends or family.

(4) Report to a GP or health professional

  • GP’s and health professionals are trained to recognise victims of domestic abuse – please confide and report to them if you are a victim.
  • Do not make excuses for any injuries

(5) Contacting the police

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
CALL 999
YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE

The police have a duty to treat you in the same way as they would treat a female victim.

Do not be put off from going to the police thinking they will not believe you and that you are weak in doing so. They will believe you.

Please follow these steps below:-

  • Report each incident to the police (including criminal damage as well as violence). Note that the police no longer just keep a log of incidents and can proceed with a prosecution without the victim’s support.
  • Ensure you obtain a reference number. Insist on it.
  • Ask to speak to the trained domestic violence police officer if your force has them. Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person.
  • Take a friend or support worker with you, if possible.

(6) Do not retaliate

  • Always try not to retaliate either physically or verbally, leave if you can or try to remove yourself to a safe room or place where you can call for help
  • Notice the signs that may trigger an incident, and if you spot them, leave.
  • If you retaliate, the police might end up arresting you, rather than a wife, girlfriend or partner, even if they are the aggressor.
  • Share your Safety Plan with a trusted person so that they can support you when the time comes or if you need to leave in an emergency.